I've been thinking about the way I have blogged over the years, what freedom rises in me with anticipation for the brief glimpses I’ll get to share here. I began blogging in 2010, surprised to find it a private, freeing space to write as I feel more than as I think. Of course I always do both, feeling-thinking, no matter where I write, but blog writing opened something in me completely unexpected. Perhaps it will with you too? (Try www.google.blogspot.com)
Back then, rational brain said to me that writing into a Word document and into a blog-post screen are the same thing. They are both on the computer, and both pour typed prose/poetry onto the screen. Duh." That was not what my lived experience taught me, however.
My professional academic-clergy voice didn't know what to do with herself. She had been taught blogs were beneath an academic but Someone Else Within seemed to now be in charge.
My poet voice felt the first breath of fresh air she'd felt in years, since pre-dissertation years had turned into pursuit of tenure years.
My hidden selves poked their heads around an imaginary corner for the first time, perhaps ever: Are you really interested in all of us yet to be born within you? they seemed to whisper amongst themselves. Hopefulness grew within me, inexplicably...
My companionable-self, who is happiest when in multiple one-on-one exchanges throughout any given day, found a new avenue into bliss. She could be heard, seen, connected in words with friends!!!! It was like magic.
Blogging therefore became the free-to-feel-as-much-as-I-damn-well-please place for me. I relied on these spaces to feel my way into what I was thinking…huge lengthy posts that only the bravest, best friends would ever consider. Fortunately, for all of us here, I have been deeply blessed with such friends. They held space for this part of me that is not unlike a fire hydrant, I now realize. You open a valve, and yowza, the water that comes out is forceful and huge. Our world is being consumed by Fire these days...
Which got me to thinking in my Fire&Water self, laughing… How much water does our world need today? What fires are bringing it forth? I am both Fire and Water, after all.
The need and promise here is more like a water fountain…small doses of (usually) ice cold water to refresh and nourish gently. I recognize less can be more, for so many of us today. I'll still love my fire-hydrant self, who feels and expresses usually more forcefully than most friends/congregational-members can withstand. She still has other spaces she can burn & crackle. My water self can ease herself here...
Perhaps that's enough for now, and I should leave off the fire hydrant metaphor before it gets gamey. I do love dogs after all, and while dogs love fire hydrants, I don't need Nala to take the image that far.