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Day 30: Oh, How I Wish...

How quickly the human mind shifts, reacts, suffers…about things that in the end are not that big a deal.

Oh how I wish…

…I’d not turned the water on for the bath last night.

…Brian hadn’t been in his screen-device, distracted and avoidant.

…Nala hadn’t been persistent to go out for her evening constitutional

…the hummingbird feeder hadn’t been a distraction, and focus of debate on the front lawn

…we had not forgotten about the running water in the bathtub.

That sinking feeling, when everything seemed just right and you realize actually something is terribly amiss? Yep...

It took every single towel in the house, the Power-Vac, and emotional navigation to create a horrible night’s sleep. Sigh. All is ultimately well, and will ultimately be well, but yowza… How quickly I moved to the swamp of shame. How quickly I took all responsibility for what was a co-created mess. How quickly it tore a hole in the fabric of a beautiful evening. Stress sends him into fear and judgment; it sends me into shame and fear. My voices shrill inside: Being imperfect means not being loved. No matter how much good I do, any mistakes threaten belonging.

If anyone were in doubt about me being an Enneagram Two, this reminds us all how deep that early-life shame is rooted.

And yet this morning, I’m reminded that an overrun of water in a home is fixable. That even if I took all responsibility, I’m lovable & good. That waters flowing in our home are actually a nice poetic touch of the universe about this season in our lives. We are the most emotionally connected we’ve been in years. There’s a lot of grace that abounds for difficult and easy times. We have a beautiful home that we are tending, together.

It’s good to have a lot of water in your life, I’ve learned.

We simply need to keep it in the tub.

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