Day 49: May All Beings Be Happy...
“You know what unhappy people dislike the most?” my friend asked me when we spoke on the phone today. I paused for a moment, considering before I landed on what she was probably thinking.
Happy people! I said like a young school girl, pleased with landing on the right answer. My friend laughed. “Yes…precisely. Happy people. Nothing irritates more when you’re unhappy than being around folks whose happiness seems to highlight your own UNhappiness.”
"And there’s really nothing to be done about it,” she said.
“I know there’s nothing I can do as a happy person to help, invite, persist…But wow is it my inclination to invite spiritual transformation with all this energy of aversion, even when the object of aversion is ME!” I said ruefully.
Context: I had left a voice-mail for my friend, knowing she’d get my dissonance and frustration, as well as receive the recognition of inner work for me to tend here. Someone in one of my regular communities of practice is regularly dismissive, curt, even rude to me. Everything she says to me really says, “leave me alone!” so mostly, I do. At one point, I did reach out to her to ask if there was something I had said or done to result in her actions toward me. We had been buddies during the tense times of the Presidential election, and yet today, now? Nothin’. She’s talkative with others in the space, but when I invite a little interaction, she’s curt, dismissive, and today, downright rude.
So it finally landed for me: Oh! She simply doesn’t like me. I laughed aloud in my car, but that’s a predictable body reaction with unexpected pain too. It stings, me or my ego, I’m not sure. And reminds me that my entire psychological make-up was constructed to avoid sitting in this discomfort of being dismissed, unliked.
Which of course now makes it the perfect place for me to sit, stay, make myself comfortable…listen, learn, get curious. Something is here for me. I know enough now to know that Freedom comes this way...and even fearlessness.
You know what unhappy people dislike the most? Happy people.
Too fuckin’ bad, lady. I’m as happy as I’ve been. It's marvelous to celebrate increasing capacities to receive joy, love, wonder, especially in the world we're living through today. My heart aches for you to join in, but I can also honor the distance required for your unhappiness.
Is it spiritual smugness to wish happiness for unhappy people, knowing it irritates them so? Smiling a little, I wonder.
But I do…I do wish her all happiness and peace…far away from me.
[Does the Lord have a blessing for the Tzar? she asked the Rebbi... :):):)]