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It Really Mattered After All--Christmas Music Part Deux

Blessed Christmastide to all who celebrate! Or…

May your Chinese food be tasty!

May the anticipation of the holiday(s) you honor continue well into the New Year.

The Christmas music iShuffle simmers in the space here, with Brian, Nala and I breathing into a spacious, restful, blissfully quiet day. There are books to read, watches to wear, new shoes to try, strange new sounds to learn (shruti box!)...but I’ve been smiling and eager to get to this page.

I awoke later than I usually do, enjoying the flannel sheets we’re able to use because it is so freakin’ cold. I brought Brian his mug of coffee, snuggled into bed with my own. The oven eventually beeped its “preheated” signal, so I eased back out and into sweats, socks, oversize slip-on outdoor boots. The jumbo cinnamon rolls went into the oven. I decided I’d like Buckeye Blend coffee for myself; Brian’s Major Dickason’s is too bitter for my taste. I put my parka-coat on, then tip-toed out to the bird-feeder to refill it for the day. We are getting an entire party of birds these days, given the temperatures and the snow cover. I feel close to them somehow. Nala and I went out next, so she could take care of business. Which she did right quick! We eased back into the toasty kitchen, which was beginning to smell of cinnamon. I poured my cup of Buckeye Blend coffee and curled up on the couch to enjoy the Christmas tree lights and the beginnings of my Christmas music. Not shuffled this time. Beginning with “It’s Beautiful in Winter!” I now know. Jingle Bells third song in… I heard Brian stir in the other room, laughing, “That’s the signal, isn’t it?” I could hear him getting into his sweats and house-slippers.

It was an exquisitely delightful moment.

I sat with the familiar music cascading all around me, showered with memories from living in Troy…and a deep belly realization that it really had mattered. It really did matter that I spoke what I needed re: my family’s Christmas music, even if it was also a hilarious wink from the Universe. Sphincter. Schlittenfahrt. "It’s Beautiful in Winter" sung in undecipherable German. I was unabashedly enjoying “my” Hess Christmas music, with no inner-cringe or need to defend it with anyone who really didn’t like it. Brian in this intimate case, but really anyone.

Desire and delight are such simple, complicated things. It wasn’t that big a deal to finally fess up that the music mattered enough to me to say something. It wasn’t a big deal for Brian to receive and honor such a simple request.

It all felt really huge this morning though. I cherished something deeply, and asked for another to honor that too. When he did, I was free to delight in it anew, fully, without caveat.

Part of me wishes I could have delighted in it fully, regardless. Yet having said something, having it honored, deepened the delight. So curious...

Blessings one and all...

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